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Christian Women and Porn

A Guide to Breaking Free

3 Healthy Relationship Tips to Take Away from Fifty Shades of Grey

June 2, 2015 By shelley Leave a Comment

Guest post by LifeStar

There is a stereotype around pornography that it only affects men, but, the truth is, women can also become addicted and struggle with pornography and sexual addiction. In a recent study conducted by Christian Women, 40% of women surveyed considered themselves as an addict and many women are opening up about their own struggles.

How many times do you see a half-naked woman (or man) on a magazine cover, TV, and social media each day? A lot. It has become so common in society that many of us probably don’t even notice these images anymore or see anything wrong with the objectification and unrealistic expectations we place on each other and ourselves.

With the recent release of the film, Fifty Shades of Grey, we’ve seen mainstream media romanticizing the addictive and manipulative behaviors pornography and sexual addiction have on the way we view each other and build our relationships. What is it about Christian Grey’s controlling nature that appeals to women? There is nothing romantic about a man (or woman) who is on a destructive path that will not only hurt them, but the people in their lives. However, there are some positive aspects to take away from the way media portrays films like Fifty Shades to grow and create healthy relationships.

Promote stronger relationships with these 3 healthy relationship tips to take from the film:

healthy relationships 50 shades of grey1.) Set your boundaries. Boundaries are an important skill to have for building healthy relationships and a better understanding of yourself. Take time to decide what your limits are and write down what makes you uncomfortable or stressed. While you are creating your list of boundaries, include what compromises you are willing to make in the relationship. Remember to consider all the areas of your life and your needs in the following categories: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

2.) Practice good communication. We all get busy with our lives and sometimes finding time to talk openly with your spouse is pushed down on the list. Setting time aside for you and your spouse (or boyfriend/girlfriend) to really talk, at least once a week, is important to allow you to have more meaningful discussions. When having a deeper conversation with your partner, remember to also listen to them. How are you going to solve any problems if you aren’t listening to what the other person is saying?

3.) Self-awareness. In order to set purposeful boundaries, having a strong sense of who you are and honoring your feelings is vital to the process. Create healthy boundaries by asking yourself the following questions: “What is happening in this situation that is making me feel resentful or stressed? Is it something I am doing or the other person?” Once you’ve gotten clear on those, consider: “What are you going to do about the situation? What parts of the situation do you have control over?”

Relationships come with their own ups and downs. By having a strong sense of what your boundaries are and keeping the communication lines open with your spouse, you can build a deeper relationship with the person you love.

================

About the Author: LifeStar has over 20 years’ experience of helping individuals, spouses, and families heal from the devastating effects of pornography addiction and other sexually compulsive behaviors. Developed by Dan Gray and Todd Olson, LifeStar is run by highly trained and licensed therapists who specialize in sexual addiction recovery.

Filed Under: Guest Blog Posts

The Forgiveness Verse and How it Relates to Sexual Sin

September 14, 2012 By shelley 2 Comments

 

by Scott Mason, author and speaker

The Forgiveness Verse as it Relates to Sexual SinThere’s one verse in the Bible that I believe everyone should know without exception, and that is 1 John 1:9. The forgiveness verse, as I call it, states that: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (NIV).

There’s one word that stands out to me more than any other word in that verse, and it is purify. The definition of purify is to rid of impurities – to cleanse. What John is saying here is that God will not only forgive our sins, but He will also purify, cleanse and restore us to the state we were in before our sin – our original state.

When Shelley Hitz asked me to write a story on forgiveness for her blog and book, “Unshackled and Free: True Stories of Forgiveness,” it took about 10 seconds to figure out what I was going to write on.  I could have talked about how God has forgiven me of my past life which consisted of being addicted to drugs and alcohol, arrested over 25 times, 36 felony convictions, and 10 years in prison, but that’s not what God wanted.

God wanted me to share how I use the verse in 1st John to help prostitutes, sex addicts and anyone who has had sex outside of marriage. Below is one story that took place in October of 2010, and it is similar to every other person I do this with. I hope it helps you find forgiveness in your own life if you have had sex outside of God’s will.

Sometimes You Have to Head Straight into the Pain to Come Out on the Other Side

One afternoon I met with up with a girl who, at the time, was addicted to almost any drug she could put into her veins. In order to pay for the drugs she was addicted to, she would sleep with countless men. At one point she was having sex with over 30 people a day. As we started to talk about her lifestyle I noticed right away that the sex she was having to support her habit really weighed heavy on her heart. Now, you would think that something like this would bother just about anyone, but when you’re living in sin it just becomes second nature.

So I asked her, “Why, out of all the stuff that you do to support your drug habit, is this one that bothers you the most?” Her response shocked me. She talked about how she knew that one day God would deliver her from her habit and that once that happened, she wanted to have a husband and children like she used to dream about when she was growing up. She went on to talk about how no man in their right mind would ever want to marry her because of her sexual past and this is what was weighing so heavily on her. She asked me, “Do you think any godly man would want me?”

Before I answered her question, I went back into my office and grabbed a devotional that a friend of mine written and my Bible. I sat back down and said, “Before I answer your question I want you to follow me on this. This devotion I have in my hand is called ‘Hope for Lily.’ Lily means purity. I would give you this devotional, but it really wouldn’t mean too much to you. You have slept with so many men that it would just be a waste of time for you to read it.” She sat there in that chair with tears running down her face. Any hope that she had, I had just ripped it from her in a few sentences. “But I do have something I want to share with you,” I told her. I opened my Bible up to 1 John 1:9, and I asked her to read it. She read it out loud with trembling in her voice. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” I said, “do you realize what this means? It means that if you confess your sexual sins and turn from them, that God will not only forgive you, but also purify you back to the original state that He intended for you to be. That state is being a virgin until you are married.

Well, something must have clicked inside of her, because her tears went from sadness to joy, and in between her crying she asked God to forgive her of all her sins, including the sexual ones, and then proclaimed: “I am once again a virgin.” I sat there and looked at her for a moment with joy in my heart, like a proud father looks at his children, and slid the devotional across the table to her and said, “This devotional now has everything to do with you. You are now pure, you are now a virgin. …Oh yeah, and by the way, yes I believe that a godly man would want to share his life with you.”

Forgiven and Free

Today, that girl is serving Jesus, has been off of drugs for quite a long time, and has been saving herself for marriage. She tells anyone and everyone she can, that she is a virgin – even though she was once a hooker. How awesome is that?

 

Wow…thank you so much Scott for sharing that powerful story of how forgiveness can truly set us free from the sin of our past.  So many of us need to hear that message.

 

Please share your comments and responses to Scott’s story in the comments section below.  We’d love to hear from you.

 

Filed Under: Sexual Sin, Spiritual Resources Tagged With: forgiveness verse, sexual sin

Advice on Sexual Intimacy for Married Women

September 12, 2012 By shelley Leave a Comment

 

Sexual intimacy in marriage“Ladies, if you are married and are at odds with your husband, it could be for a variety of reasons and in your anger or bitterness you withhold intimacy from your husband, you are setting him up for sexual temptation outside the marriage.

Sexual intimacy is a natural desire and need just like sleep and eating is. My advice is to figure out what your angry about and deal with that. As women,our bodies are also designed with the natural desires for sexual intimacy, if you are lacking that natural desire, it may be more than emotional, it may be a lack of hormones or your bodies natural chemicals are out of balance.

Sexual intimacy provides so much more than just the physical it acts as a bonding agent that can actual improve the immune system. So go enjoy that natural desire and boost that potentially lagging immune system.”

– Eileen Marx
www.atpministries.org

 

Thank you Eileen for sharing your advice!   I also know the same can also be true on the flip side if the husband is withholding intimacy as well.  So it is important for both the husband and wife to come together sexually on a regular basis. For my husband and I, we have both struggled with pornography in the past and noticed that it decreased our desire for sex with each other.   God is bringing healing to our marriage and restoring what the enemy intended to destroy.

What are you thoughts?  Anything else that can hinder sexual intimacy in marriage?

~Shelley~

Filed Under: Marriage Resources Tagged With: sexual intimacy for married women, sexuality in marriage

The Broken Water Pot Story

September 11, 2012 By shelley Leave a Comment

 

I love this story about the broken water pot.  It describes my life so well.  God is using my brokenness and the healing He has brought into my life to bring about something beautiful.

…………………………..

There is a story about a water bearer in India who had two large pots. Each hung on the ends of a pole that he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a small crack in it but the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, but the pot that was broken near its bottom arrived only half full.

For two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master’s house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, and bragged constantly about its full measure of water when it arrived. But the poor broken pot was ashamed of its imperfection, and miserable that it was able to retain only half of what it was supposed to hold. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.

“I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.” “Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?”, asked the water bearer. “I have been able, for these past two years, to carry only half my load because this crack that I am afflicted with causes water to leak out all the way back to your master. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the poor broken pot, and in his compassion he said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”

As they went up the hill, the old pot noticed the sun warming some beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered the pot a little. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure. The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. Without you being just the way you are, my master would not have this beauty to grace his house.”

– Author Unknown

…………………………..

Can you relate to this story?  Why or why not?

 

Filed Under: Spiritual Resources Tagged With: broken water pot story

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